Though it may be the title of this piece, saying it is an understatement. To say it’s a ‘Task of the Day’, to learn to adapt and adjust, that is. For me, it is my life’s existence.
In high school, life was about adapting and adjusting to being one of five African-Americans graduating out of my class of 470+. After graduation, I was adapting and adjusting to auditions, photo-shoots, and being on-set without my parents. Having been there for everything up until then, I grappled with efficaciously maintaining my own daily jaunts. Oh, but I wanted to prove to myself that at 18, I could manage school, a regular job, and an acting career, and I did.
As life does, in such a precarious manner, it created a diversion from my self-professed path to move to France. To do what exactly has escaped me. Though I have retained ‘un petite peu’ of the two years worth of French classes. I try to use it when I can, to not squander my lessons.
Instead of being in France, learning how to bake authentic pastries and rustic, countryside, farm-inspired dishes, maybe, within 18 months the universe was guiding me through life as a newlywed. Barely two years later, I was a mother. We only dated for 6 months and here we are, 24 years and three kids later. God-willing, we celebrate year 25 this coming December. But that’s a whole other adventure to uncover with you.
I’ve learned that in life, we have to make changes to the plans we have for our lives. It’s the only natural flow of things, change. I’m beginning to realize, it is more about the emotions and the feelings, that make the changes we are faced with either difficult or easy to navigate.
2016 began as an awesome year for me. My husband and I had built a successful vape brand. We were enjoying all things vape related, until the FDA came. Once they handed down their Deeming Rules for Vaping, things began to plummet for business rather quickly. I fell into a huge depression. I wanted to save the business and my husband, who was simply frustrated, was already moving on to other things. This only exacerbated my depression, especially with him driving big flatbed trucks from one coast to the other. Talk about having to adapt and adjust.
I’ve traveled this road in a past life, as hubby drove trucks some years back. To me, it was a lifetime ago. Our children were in elementary and middle school then. We were doing better for ourselves. We lived in a nice, gated community, had a gorgeous house, with a recording studio. I had an office to create endlessly for hours in. The kids held reign over their own rooms. Life was much different then. The kids have since grown up and are figuring out their own lives. Where I was once living for everyone else and their needs, I now get to live for me. That thought, as exhilarating as it sounds, silently shrouded me in fear. The landscape that created my life has been replaced by an unfamiliar desert. Things that use to fill and consume my time, have been replaced with the lyrics from a Rhianna song, ‘What Now?’
Live. That’s what! Life is change. If it doesn’t change, then are you really living? Having to adapt and adjust means you get to write a new story to this thing called, ‘Your Life’. You get to do whatever you want to do, be who you want to be, live where you want to live, go where you want to go. So, what do you want to do? Who do you want to be? Where do you want to live? Where do you want to go?
For me, as a wife and a mom, it’s been herculean flowing from living my life for my husband and my children, to redefining who I am for myself. I’ve matured and have grown right along with my family. As a woman, you have to remember not to be so afraid of change, that you don’t allow yourself to grow. Remember who you were before you said, “I do,” and spent hours in labor giving birth to a human being. When you were simply you.
What made you happy? What did you aspire to do, see? Why? How does it fit with you as you are now? What’s changed? How? Why? How do you feel about it? So many questions can cause so much confusion, frustration, and depression. Which are all things I’ve had to deal with lately. The key is to pick your ass up, stop feeling sorry for yourself, remember the dreams you have for yourself and do whatever it takes to bring them into your reality.
So, to adapt and adjust, means you get to write a new life story, one chapter at a time, one day at a time, and one moment at a time. Keep the things you want to remember and get rid of everything else. It’s time to remember what it feels like to make yourself happy. Do more of those things. If you want to create a new career, do it. It’s ok to be afraid to move in a new direction, as long as you move and it makes you happy.
Love and Light,